I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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