i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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