That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Randomize