You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
