Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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