you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
