question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
