What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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