so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
