hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
