my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
