I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
