I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
