atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
