I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
