He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
