its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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