there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
