apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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