last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
