My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
