It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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