Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
