i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
