Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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