Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
