I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We need to get me chipped asap
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
