hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You dont lie about slip and slides
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Two words: blizzard sex
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize