So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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