you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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