i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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