there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
