guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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