I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
