im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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