Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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