after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize