I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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