i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Screwed.edu
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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