I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
