oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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