I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
