he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize