there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize