I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
