thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
