i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
