We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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