covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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