Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
