some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
