You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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