I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
