he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
