I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
