Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i think i have two assholes
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
