I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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