Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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