I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize