gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
