Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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