The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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