I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
